In The Shadows
by bittersweetmelody47
Summary: Hermione knew more about Sirius than others would ever know. Spoilers only for OotP.


**In The Shadows**

**I.**

She doesn't really know what to think when she walks through the door of 12 Grimmauld Place for the first time.

It is certainly dark, she realizes, as her eyes took in everything around her.

The hallways were narrow, very much so, to the point that she figures it would be a kind of uncomfortable situation for two people to walk together through it, side by side.

She knew this was the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix: the slip of paper in Dumbledore's handwriting informed her of that.

As she walks slowly down the small hallway the door at the far end suddenly opens, revealing Mrs. Weasley.

She can clearly hear the low rumble of conversations in the room, and she can't help but notice how Mrs. Weasley hurriedly shuts the door behind her.

But she smiles as Mrs. Weasley, the woman she considers as a second mother, approaches her and envelops her in a strong hug.

"Hermione, dear, I'm so glad you could be here."

"No problem, Mrs. Weasley. I'm happy to be."

She withdraws from the friendly embrace, staring into the woman's smiling face.

"Ron and Ginny are waiting for you upstairs: first door on the left," Mrs. Weasley continues, "They've been so anxious to see you."

She nods, making her way to the stairs.

Then she remembers something.

"Oh, Mrs. Weasley, isn't Harry here?"

Mrs. Weasley, on her way back to the door, turns back to face her.

"No, dear. I'm afraid you'll only be seeing him at Platform 9 3/4 on September 1st."

She was sure a sign of a frown had briefly appeared on Mrs. Weasley's face.

She nods again, disappointment rising in her.

She's halfway up the stairs when the soft snap of a door shutting disrupts the quietness, and she knows that Mrs. Weasley has returned again into the meeting.

As she reaches the second landing she wonders why Harry couldn't be here with her.

Something about that bothers her; there must be a good reason for it.

But the thought of this is temporarily forgotten as she looks into the smiling faces of Ron and Ginny.

**II.**

As the days go by, she cleans out the rooms with the others, to make the house more presentable.

Even though she likes a clean house as well as any other person, she suspects that they're all assigned this task of tidying up just to give them something to do, to keep them busy.

Today they were cleaning out a drawing room, and it was pretty remarkable how many peculiar things were hidden around, covered with heavy layers of dust produced over many years of neglect.

They had been tackling this room for hours now, and even though she's sure that they would get a break in a moments' time, she feels the need to get away from the swirling dust and inhale some fresh air.

She puts down her rag on a nearby chair and gets up from her kneeling position on the floor.

Ginny looks up at her at this, her face questioning.

"Bathroom," She says quietly, and Ginny nods, resuming her spraying and wiping of the bottom drawer.

It's only when she's out of the room and in the hallway that she realizes that she isn't exactly sure where the bathroom is, at least, not on this floor.

She still hasn't figured out where all the rooms are yet, and it didn't help that the hallway is always shrouded in very dim light.

She can see one thing clearly, though, and she gazes upon the walls on each side of her, at the heads of the house elves.

She looks away quickly, her lips thinning.

It isn't that she's afraid of seeing them, not at all. But she is repulsed by them, at how their vacant faces all seem to turn towards her, no matter which direction she's currently going.

She still can't bring herself to believe what Ron had said earlier when she remarked on them: that they considered it an honor to have their heads put up on the walls.

Everything about it is frightening and disrespectful to her.

She speeds up her pace without realizing it, and she only stops when the color of green catches her eye.

She looks to the source of it, and she sees that it's coming from a room at her right, the door to it slightly ajar.

Approaching it, her hand rises against its own volition, and rests against the wooden door.

She pushes lightly, and the door swings all the way open with a low creak.

She saw, then, what had caught her attention.

The walls were coated in a dark forest green, and as she looks closer, silver lines connected with names and faces.

She finds herself entranced by it, and because of that, she fails to notice the soft sound of footsteps behind her.

"So, you've found my family tree."

She turns quickly, startled, and looks into the smiling face of Sirius Black.

"Then, this... this is your house?" She asks, looking back at the richly colored family tree.

"Yes. I've given it to Dumbledore to use as headquarters."

She nods, and her eyes, it seems to her, are glued to the sight before her.

"About the only useful thing I've been able to do," Sirius adds.

She looks at him.

His wavy, dark hair framed his face, and even though he, she guesses, is only in his mid thirties, those years in Azkaban made him look much older.

Bags hang under his eyes, and while they don't look as bad as they did when she had first met him in her third year, they still make his dark eyes appear hollow.

"Did you like living here?" She asks him suddenly, and she feels that she already knows the answer.

He's beside her now, looking up at the family tree, and his face tightens.

"No," He answers, still looking up, "It was suffocating to live here."

Sadness takes over her as she realizes how, ever since he had escaped Azkaban, he still, now, hasn't truly escaped a place that he dreads, that traps him.

It's hard, now, for her to look at him and she lets her eyes trail more upward at the wall.

What she sees makes her start in surprise.

"You're related to the Malfoys!"

She wishes she didn't say it, though, for she sees that her statement was the last thing he probably wanted to hear.

"Only by marriage," He declares, "I'm not proud of it, of course."

She wonders why he felt the need to add that last sentence.

"Hermione!"

Both she and Sirius turn at the voice, and she looks upon Ron standing in the open doorway.

"There you are," He says, his face fearful, "We've just found spiders in the drawing room as big as--as--saucers, or-- I don't know! Please help me out here; mum insists on us getting rid of them."

And before she could utter a word, he had disappeared.

She turns back to Sirius and sees that he is chuckling.

"He doesn't like spiders very much, does he?"

She can't help but smile. "No, not at all."

"Then I guess you better help him," Sirius continues, and she nods.

"I guess I should."

She makes her way out of the room, but for a reason she doesn't really know, she looks back briefly.

He is still smiling, and that comforts her.

She smiles back.

She leaves the room, the thought of spiders making her shudder.

"Hermione, hurry!"

She can't hold back her laugh as she approaches the drawing room.

**III.**

A week later, during dinner, they are all told some bad news.

"Harry is facing expulsion from school," Mr. Weasley tells them solemnly, "for doing underage magic."

"_What?_" She says in astonishment, as others voice their shock.

"But, surely Harry had some reason to perform magic?" Mrs. Weasley asks her husband, her face already lined with worry.

"He's claiming dementors attacked him and he was forced to perform the Patronus charm," Mr. Weasley answers.

"Dementors?"

"_Dementors?_"

"Why would _they_ be there?"

Mr. Weasley holds up a hand and everyone goes quiet.

"We're going to work this out. We've convinced the minister to give him a court date instead of simply expelling Harry from school now, so Harry will have a chance to tell his side of the story."

One by one, they all breathe a sigh of relief.

There's no way Harry can be expelled if he was simply defending himself, she knew that. The Ministry even made laws on it. But still...

"Harry will be coming here tonight to stay for the rest of the summer," Mr. Weasley finishes.

She looks at Ron and Ginny and they smile at one another.

At least Harry would be here, and for now, that made her feel at ease.

But as she looks across the table at Sirius's stricken face, she knows that it is not time to stop worrying about Harry's situation.

**IV.**

Harry's mood upon arriving was expected, at least by her.

He had every right to be angry, but she couldn't prevent the tears that sprang to her eyes during his outburst.

She hates seeing him like this: so helpless.

She tries to think of what to do to make him feel better.

The answer comes to her quite suddenly when she passes Sirius in the hallway.

"Sirius," She says, and he stops, attentive.

"Harry's very upset," She continues, "I think you should talk to him."

He nods, his face grim. "Just like I expected he would be. I'll talk to him now."

She smiles as he departs, feeling like she has just solved one problem, at least for today.

**V.**

She hesitates, but only for a second, then knocks lightly on his bedroom door.

Mrs. Weasley had asked her to tell Sirius that it was dinner time, and after a few minutes of searching, she had finally found the door to his bedroom.

"Come in," His voice rings clearly through the door, friendly.

She opens the door.

He was standing there, looking around his room in a manner that a stranger would in a person's living room.

He looks at her as she enters.

"Mrs. Weasley sent me up to tell you dinner's ready," She says.

"Ah," He says, but nothing more.

His eyes, all of a sudden, are fixed upon a picture on the wall next to a bed.

She follows his gaze.

From her place, she can only tell that the picture is of four teenage boys.

"Come in and look if you want."

She looks back at him quickly and he's staring at her, a small smile on his face.

She accepts his invitation and approaches the picture.

At this proximity she understands who the boys are and she grins.

"Harry's father! And you, and--"

"Remus, yes." He comes to stand by her side and she notices that his smile has grown wider, as if he was reminiscing on his younger days with them.

She is very careful to avoid mentioning Peter.

But Sirius seems to have read her thoughts, for his eyes linger maliciously on Peter's smiling face.

"Has Harry seen this?" She asks in an attempt to make Sirius think about something else.

He looks at her quickly, as if he had forgotten she was there.

"No, not yet. I should give it to him soon. He deserves it more than I do."

"What do you mean?" She inquires, bemused.

"Sometimes, it's hard to look at him," Sirius begins, and she senses the hesitation in his tone, "knowing that if I hadn't switched my role of Secret-Keeper with Pettigrew, his parents would never have died."

"No!" She exclaims, horrified, " You know that's not true, Sirius, it's not."

His sad eyes meet hers and she sees that he appears surprised that she has said that.

There is something else she can detect in his face too: concealed shame.

She knows that he feels he shouldn't have told her that, and his attempt at changing the subject proves it.

"I think you're most like Remus. He too was the studious type."

She tries to smile, but the shock at his confession will not fade.

"You are the brightest witch of your age, are you not?"

She can't hold back a smile at that now, and as Sirius sees this, his own smile is full of accomplishment.

**VI.**

The next time she sees Sirius is when she arrives at 12 Grimmauld Place to see Harry during the Christmas holidays.

She enters the front door and takes off her scarf and coat, still shivering from the cold outside.

She almost didn't notice him passing her down the hall until he spoke to her.

"Well, there's the brightest witch of her age."

She smiles, turning to face him. "Hello, Sirius."

"Don't you have somewhere better to be for the holidays?"

"Well, I was supposed to be on a skiing trip with my parents," She replies, "but I heard what happened to Harry, so..."

He nods in understanding. "He's upstairs, and is refusing to see anybody. But hopefully you'll have better luck."

"Thanks, Sirius."

She hurries to the stairs, thinking now only of Harry and how she would kick down the door if she had to... only to have someone repair it afterwards, of course.

She stops then, at the foot of the stairs, and looks back.

He has continued on down the hallway, his arms folded against himself.

And for a reason she doesn't really know, sadness rises in her.

**VII.**

Harry says 'Sirius' and that is all she needs to know, but a different part of her, the logical part of her, asks, "But Harry... what if it's just a trick? Something that You-Know-Who planted in your mind on purpose to make you go to him?"

But as Harry refuses to relent to that possibility, she knows that the only thing they can really do now is go.

There is a chance that Sirius might really be taken hostage by Voldemort, and she can't ignore that.

Harry didn't describe exactly what he had seen, only that Sirius was being tortured, but that is enough for her to know.

Any further detailed thoughts on it makes her stomach churn terribly.

**VIII.**

She wakes slowly, the feeling of a soft bed beneath her and smooth sheets over her.

All she really remembered was the Death Eater, his silent curse, and the feeling that something very heavy had slammed into her chest.

When she opens her eyes the first thing she sees are Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Harry looking down at her.

Their sighs of relief and murmurs of "She's awake!" make her realize that she's in the hospital wing at Hogwarts.

She notices one missing from the party and looks around, only to see Ron in a bed next to her, odd scars and bruises lined around his arms and neck.

She's about to ask them about what went on in the Department of Mysteries after she was unconscious, but she is unable to when she catches a certain expression on Harry's face.

It was an expression of utter defeat, and she is suddenly scared.

But Madam Pomfrey bustles in, interrupting them. "There, now, you've seen she's awake, now go! She needs to be alone and rest."

Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Harry make their way out of the hospital wing at Madam Pomfrey's orders, promising to return to visit as soon as they can.

Madam Pomfrey then approaches her with various potions and explains of the curse she was hit with, and she knows that finding out everything that happened will have to wait.

**IX.**

They all visit her later in the afternoon, only briefly, due to Madam Pomfrey's incessant interruptions, but it is only when Harry visits her later in the evening after Ron was admitted out of the hospital wing that she finally gets to ask what had happened in the Department of Mysteries.

But first, Harry starts talking as soon as he reaches her bedside.

" I'm really sorry that this happened, Hermione, this is all my fault, really..."

"Harry, no--"

"You could have died; I thought you actually were for a moment, and--"

"Harry!"

He stops now, gazing silently at her.

She smiles reassuringly. "It's not your fault, and I won't have you saying that it was to me again."

He opens his mouth to say something, but apparently thinks better of it, and after a second or two, just nods and looks away.

Now she gets her chance. "Harry?"

He looks at her.

"Sirius?" She asks.

At this, he just continues to stare at her, but that expression of defeat is back on his face, and in an instant she understands.

"Oh," She says, for that's all she can say, and she tries to repress the tightening of despair swelling in her chest.

She reaches out for Harry's hand and as their eyes meet, they understand together.

And they are silent.

**X.**

Neville came to visit her later and he explained everything to her, for he was the one who saw the most, being with Harry and all.

He tells her sadly of how Bellatrix, Sirius's cousin, had cursed Sirius, and how Sirius had fallen backward through the veil, never to reappear.

He also tells her of Harry's reaction, of how Lupin had to hold Harry back from going through the veil himself to rescue Sirius, and how Harry had screamed and ran after Bellatrix, threatening to kill her...

It's at that part that she stops Neville and thanks him, telling him that was all she needed to know.

And that night, after the lights are turned off and the hospital wing is blanketed in darkness, with only the moonlight shining through the windows, she has to put her hand to her mouth to stifle her cries.

She cries over how loneliness seemed to emanate from Sirius, how he was put in Azkaban for twelve years for the murders of Harry's father and mother, for which he was innocent, how he still blamed himself for the murders of the best friends he missed so terribly, when the fault was only Pettigrew's and Voldemort's...

And now, as her sobs die down, she realizes that she has to accept that he is dead now, forever.

Then she remembers that there is no body to have a proper funeral over, and she cries once more, burying her face into her pillow.

She calms herself as she remembers how she and Harry had used the timeturner to save Sirius from the Dementor's Kiss, and how happy Sirius looked when he climbed on Buckbeak and soared away through the skies to freedom.

She drifts off to sleep, exhausted, at the comforting thought of this.

_She exits the front door of 12 Grimmauld Place, trailing slowly behind Harry and Ron, adjusting her scarf more tightly around her neck._

_As she turns suddenly and reaches to close the door behind her, she sees Sirius standing in the hallway, his arms folded against himself, staring at her._

_She knows how he meets his end in only a few months' time, and while the knowledge of it fills her with sadness, she continues to stare at him, knowing this is the last time she'll ever see him._

_The snow whirls around her face and it's hard to see him, but she continues to stare intently at what she can make out of him, and she smiles, hoping he can see it, and be assured by it._

_Then the snow clears for a second and she sees him again, clearly._

_And he is smiling too._

FIN.


End file.
